Beaming light of wow

Once again the sun rose from the other side of the world to show off  just how AMAZING it is. 

I'm so sure, you're just the sun... let it go already.

Anyway, it was a pretty good day.

Robot/Spy

The other day  I encountered a strange phenomenon. Everyday I drive down the same streets, see the same people, and wave at the same kindergardeners and their moms walking to school. I know every dog, every overhanging branch, and every last leaf that falls to the ground. 

Today was different. I took a detour and headed over to the local grocery store to find some mango juice for a new cocktail I invented. 

As I entered the parking lot of the supermarket, I noticed that the air seemed electric. People were moving about as if some kind of extravagant commodities were offered at this store. People going in and going out of the doors like madness weaves in and out of the ocean's tide moving in and out. Or like when milk mixes so freely with chocolate syrup and can never be separated again... Madness. 

I made my purchase with suspicious eyes watching my every move. In situations like this, I'm pretty good at keeping myself from going down 'Crazy Road', but man I was losing it. I kept my eyes wandering as I observed my surroundings, and marked every suspicious individual with care. I walked through the store like a scavenging coyote trudging through the desert searching for  small prey, and large predators. 

I noticed the elderly woman with the dark sunglasses and yellow cane obviously staring at me and signaling her accomplice. The red scarf carefully tied around her weathered neck  concealed the the flask of poison underneath. The hispanic child who was obviously carrying a homing device planned for attachment to my vehicle stood next to the crane- game-machine.  There was a middle-aged man who meticulously cleaned his teeth with the end of a comb who gave me friendly nod. I'm not sure of his intentions. 

As I was driving out of the parking lot, I noticed a black-skinned man with white hair and a white soul-patch wearing sunglasses. He was sitting on a silver chair next to a Toyota camry, BEHIND THE STORE!  Obviously he was a robot/spy and underneath his shades were video surveillance cameras. 

I wanted to rip those things right off his face and show him that I'm not afraid, but that as we all know, is how they win. 

On my way home, I noticed video surveillance cameras everywhere. I found them on traffic lights, on telephone poles, and even mounted on top of a bank!  

Obviously, this robot/spy was at his work station where he keeps his eye on the entire city. I'm not sure what else to do but to notify the world through this blog that we should rise up and take back our freedom. Robot/spy things hate freedom. 

I am on a mission. I will remove the sunglasses from the robot/spy things world-wide, and once again liberate a people of destiny.

Turbulent tymz

There once was a little man named Pilly-Goo. He was only three inches tall and had a heart of gold. Big muscles were not the thing that made him strong... his biceps were only the size of olives anyway. Pilly-Goo had the mental strength of ten horses (average sized horses) and he had the depth of character that would make Mother Teresa look like a villain. 

One day about two in the afternoon an earthquake occurred in the center of the San Filipe Fault. It was a shake that brought both confusion, and fear. Everyone within a twenty-six mile radius ran screaming in all directions looking for a place to hide from this terror. Everyone except for Pilly-Goo.  

There was a strange calm around him that shone on his face like the sun. He just smiled and walked to work just like everyday. Pilly-Goo works second shift at a factory that makes microchips. He took the job after losing his position as a city bus driver, and he was far too small and strange to be a carnie. 

Today seemed different. All around him people were freaking out about buildings falling down, and cars crashing off of bridges.  Pilly-Goo was not afraid but he wanted to do his part to help. Since he carried himself with confidence, and did not tremble at this catastrophe, he thought a good job for him to do would be to calm everyone down that he could. Nobody would listen to him when he told them that it wasn't THAT bad. He greeted them with a hello and a smile, and they just ran on by as if he didn't even exist.  So he tried launching himself from a ping-pong ball gun onto their faces in order to get their attention, but that didn't seem to do the trick. He tried an announcement into a mega-phone, but his little voice wasn't strong enough. 

Pilly-Goo just wanted to help. He was told all of his life that it didn't matter how small he was, he could still change the world. He could still make a difference.

In the end, when it came down to it, he just wasn't good enough, big enough, smart enough, or kind enough to make any difference in any way at all...ever. 

Besides, his biceps were only the size of olives.

Sometimes it takes only an earthquake to help us realize these things.

yeeehaw

Calm down everybody. 

Gettin' Controversatile

Believe it or not! Here's Amy Grant, on the Michael W. Smith, In Concert (1985) video tape flashing the "Satanic salute."  This is NOT the sign language for "I love you", where the thumb is openly extended.  Amy deliberately flashes the "satanic salute" at least two separate times on the video, displaying it for several seconds.  Amy is promoting evil.  There is a definite spirit invoked in rock music - and it's NOT a good one! And many times, people involved in rock music get "caught up" in  it!  Amy is bad news.
In fact, just the simple sharing of this information has made me want to dance naked in fire with evil midgets and eat fingernail sandwiches while poking my eyes with forks.

DANCE NAKED IN FIRE WITH EVIL MIDGETS AND EAT FINGERNAIL SANDWICHES WHILE POKING MY EYES WITH FORKS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

I bit into some chocolate peanut-butter ice cream last night. Big huge strips of "Peanut-butter". Yeah right, I know for a fact that it was dinosaur bones. We'll just see how the attorneys sort out the details in the lawsuit I'm filing. A little bit of  panic  amongst my friends at the retirement home. When I eat ice cream, I don't want a prehistoric experience. I want to eat ice cream. 

requin de la piscine

I had to sneak into my friend's private pool party. It was "Special Friends only". First off, I made my way into the soirée disguised as my wife. I was immediately accepted, and nobody asked, "Where's Jimmy?".

This was most refreshing, as I'm a firm believer in my wife having the freedom to come and go as she pleases without having to expose my whereabouts or explain why I did not attend a a party that I wasn't invited to. Sometimes a wife can enjoy going to a party without her husband. How nice that this is finally being understood by our peers. 

Anyway, I made my way around the party casually keeping a cool demeanor in my trying to pull off the disguise. I wanted to keep my senses about me, so I avoided the consumption of martinis, while ALWAYS holding one in my right hand.  I was careful to splash a little out in the flower beds every five minutes or so to make it appear that I was drinking.  I was also quite impressed at how convincing I was with my head-toss-back laugh at the slightest of jokes made by the fellow patrons. This was working out perfectly until... 

My wife showed up. I got wind of this happening "Through the grapevine" if you will. I remember I was standing next to the bar trying to find out if my friend (The host) could possibly be a German spy.  I suddenly overheard, "Hey, did you change your clothes?" I looked across the lit up backyard to find my wife standing with a martini in her right hand, and repeatedly tossing her head back in laughter.

I didn't want to panic, but I wasn't sure how else to get myself off the hook. I just started shouting, "Oh my God! Look in the pool, a Great White Shark!"

Everyone ran to the pool to find the massive shark thrashing about, trying to eat whatever and whomever it could. Once everyone was distracted, I ran for the gate to find it locked. I heard scary-movie music really loud in my left ear as I turned to find my friend (The host) standing behind me, scary-movie laughing.  He was holding a German spear in his hand, ready to thrust it into my heart.

I grabbed it from him, thrust it into his yard, and said sternly in a whisper, "That's enough Harry, that's enough." 

I removed my disguise slowly like in a scary movie to reveal...

Me.

I was a little bit angry that my friend had given in to the Germans so easily.  I was also embarrassed for him. Mostly because I know that he regrets ever saying to me that I wasn't really a friend of his, and that I was expendable. He probably feels P R E T T Y stupid  for that remark.

But it all comes out in the wash eventually